I’ve been avoiding posting these past couple of days because of one, very terrifying thing: the insurance company.

Insurance companies – much scarier than winter and ice zombies

I received a call from my doctor’s office telling me that my insurance company had not yet approved my upcoming hysterectomy. Needless to say, I might have panicked juuust a little bit.

Since I’m young enough (barely), I’m still on my parents’ insurance coverage. This particular company has caused us a shitstorm of issues over things that, even in the American insurance culture, shouldn’t have been things thought twice about.

I didn’t know what to do. If, by Wednesday, the insurance company had not come to a decision, or worse denied coverage, I’d need to come up with a way to pay for half of the total cost of surgery in less than a week. I didn’t dare ask how much that would actually cost, no insurance. I’m losing one organ, I’d like to avoid a heart attack in addition to the hysterectomy.

People not liking my post has had a drastic affect on my quality of life.

To make a long story short, for the first time that I can remember, my insurance company came through. The reps on the phone were kind, rather than rushed or just plain mean. The nurses even put a rush on my chart to get it through in time for the surgery. In other words, they didn’t fuck up. They did very well. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thank you insurance pre-auth people. Thank you so much.

Now that that’s all set, on to prepping for the surgery. We’re less than a week out, people! All of my teachers have been told and arrangements have been made. All of my violin students (or their parents, depending on age) know there will be no lessons next week. I even have a couple of trippy videos saved to my phone to watch before the good drugs wear off (think Salvador Dali in 3-D).

The prep for this surgery has been more…intense than it was for my last laparoscopy. Granted, my last laparoscopy didn’t involve my uterus, cervix, and Fallopian tubes going bye-bye. Also, this won’t be my first ride on the gurney – I know what I’ll need. I know that I won’t fit into any of my jeans for at least a week (and that even after that I’ll still be too tender), so I’ve been taking inventory of my sweatpants, leggings, and other comfy clothes. I’ve even ordered a couple of abdominal binders (two sizes, for blueberry shaped me and post-blueberry shaped me) to make movement a little easier.

Me? Oh, nothing to worry about; I’m just a little bloated from my hysterectomy. What are you fellows in for, liver failure?

God, I hope I fit into the desks when I’m back in class.

Also? A hint: put safe-search ON before hunting for pictures of the blueberry girl. I learned a lot about a fetish I had no idea existed. No judgement, you do you and all, but I didn’t think my Google search was going to be NSFW.

Back to the surgery – pretty much everything is ready now for Wednesday. All I have left to do is a final apartment scrub so that it’s clean through recovery and pick and wash the sheets and clothes I’ll be using before and after on the day of. Hell, I’ve already got prunes ready in the fridge for the upcoming pain-killer induced side effect. I’ve even gotten my instruction packets in the mail! I don’t know why, but that part really excites me – it means this is actually happening and I’ll (hopefully) finally have some relief from the pain.

Five days out, folks. That’s it. Five days.

Goddamnit Samara, FIVE days. Not seven. FIVE.